The Feels of DOOM!
by Aladdinboy
Summary: Zim finally learns the truth about his 'mission' to Earth, and is essentially kicked out of the Irken species. Now DOOMED to stay on Earth, Zim must accept his fate. Can Dib help Zim through this? Will Zim realize he needs Dib, not just as a friend but as a mate? Will GIR ever realize his dream of becoming a lemur? And what is with these bizarre new FEELS that Zim is experiencing?
1. Chapter 1

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* * *

"What's he _doing_?" I muttered, flipping from camera to camera. It was going on two hours since I'd started watching Zim. "He's just… laying there!" My small wireless computer screen showed a grainy video feed from a hidden camera in Zim's base. Invader Zim, the small and remarkably incompetent Irken invader, was laying on his back in the center of his poorly disguised 'living room'. Occasionally, his hyper robot GIR would sprint across the room, the only indication that the video feed wasn't frozen. Eventually, I dropped the computer screen and glanced at my watch. Two hours and eleven minutes. I looked back at the computer screen. All seemed quiet. Too quiet.

"OK, normally I couldn't care less what you do with your free time." I jumped, never having heard Gaz enter the room. "But I'm two levels away from the lava pig boss battle, and I can't concentrate on grinding up my XP if you keep muttering to yourself." She didn't look up from her video game, but I swear I could still feel her glare all the same.

I shuddered involuntarily. Man, she's creepy. "Maybe he died! How long do they live anyway? But… wait. Then that would mean… More would come. If Zim dies, he won't report back to his colony or whatever. Then they'd come looking for him!" I checked the video feed again. GIR was poking Zim in the side, and Zim was trying, unsuccessfully, to push the robot away. "OK… whew. Dodged that bullet. Maybe…"

"Maybe he's doing something you shouldn't care about, because he's in his house and you're in mine." Gaz sat on the couch, kicking up her feet and resting them on my head. I did my best to ignore her.

"Maybe he's trying to… to convince me something is wrong! It's a trick! He's trying to entice me to come over to his base so he can destroy me!"

"Oh my god are you still talking?"

"No… He's smarter than that… barely, though. He'd know that I'd figure him out. He'd know I'd see right through his charade, why else would he do it in his living room, the one room of his base with windows? Aha! He's trying to keep me out… he must be up to something. Something secret… I must find out!"

"If you continue talking I will staple your mouth shut with the rustiest staples I can get my hands on."

I decided it was best for my health to remain silent as I slipped on my trademark trench coat and ran out the door.

* * *

Standing on the door mat in front of Zim's house, I paused, thinking. Something was definitely wrong. The garden gnomes that comprised Zim's first line of defense were completely still. Normally they would be blasting away at me with megawatt lasers that, while non-lethal, were remarkably painful. Cautiously, I reached up and knocked on the door.

On the other side of the door, I heard GIR bouncing around. "Bet it's a squirrel parade!" The door opened a crack and GIR's head popped out, covered in its usual green felt. How anybody with two eyes could be fooled by the pitiful dog disguise was past me, but it seemed to be effective nonetheless. GIR also seemed to be holding a half-empty tub of ice cream. "Hello, Big-Head Boy! I'm making ice cream Tuesdays."

"Y'mean sundaes?"

"…TUESDAYS! See?" It held the ice cream tub out for me to look at. There seemed to be sardines in the ice cream, as well as what looked like shredded newspapers. "Oh, would you like to join me for Angry Monkey Hour? I love that show…"

"Uh… not now."

"GIR, who infects Zim's lawn with their presence?" Zim sounded oddly tired, and his screechy voice was less piercing than usual.

"Zim?" I pushed the door open and stepped carefully over GIR, still expecting some sort of trickery. "It's, uh… Dib?"

"Oh. You." The lack of insult made me even more suspicious. Zim never passed up an opportunity to remind me just how inferior I and the rest of my species are. The green alien propped himself up against the foot of his couch, looking me over. "Zim does not wish the Dib creature to be here."

"Zim is sad because he's a big dookie," said GIR happily, shutting the door and climbing onto the TV stand.

"LIES, GIR! The almighty ZIM does not feel SAD! SADNESS is a FOREIGN EMOTION to members of the HIGHEST ORDER of Irken invaders."

"Yep! Too bad you're not highest-order like them," squeaked GIR before walking off the edge of the TV stand and falling flat on its head. "Whoopsie!"

"Zim… What's that thing talking about?" I took a couple of cautious steps toward the couch. Nothing tried to destroy me as I approached Zim, so I figured it was safe enough to stand near the small invader.

"The powerful Zim does not… I mean… Zim has always been…" He shivered, something I've never seen him do before. "Zim is… LIES! ALL LIES! ZIM IS THE MOST POWERFUL… most powerful… invader…"

Something hot stirred in my chest. Zim looked… pitiful? I'd never seen him so depressed before.

"Let's watch it again!" shouted GIR, still upside down from falling. It pointed a remote at the TV, which lit up. It seemed to be showing a recording of one of Zim's video messages to the highest, the Irken leaders.

Zim sighed and covered his eyes with his arm.

"My Tallest!" shouted Zim on the TV. That's right, they're the tallest, not the highest. I'd seen them before, in some of Zim's transmissions I'd managed to pick up, but they never really contained any useful information, so I stopped paying attention to them years ago. "To what do I owe the glory of your tele-presence?"

"Zim, remember when you were tried for your existence evaluation?" asked the one with red eyes.

"…No."

"Well, you were. And the control brains have revised their verdict. You have been deemed defective."

"WHAT!?" The speakers on the TV crackled a little with the volume of recorded Zim's yell.

"Yes. You are a defective. Of course, we knew this all along, which is why we sent you on that that fake invasion mission."

The one with the purple eyes fiddled with what looked like a chocolate eclair. "Yeah!" he piped up. "We thought you'd die out there!"

"Indeed," said the red one. "It was funny at first, when you reported in. Your terrible ability to conquer even a primitive planet such as Earth was entertainment for us…" The purple one nodded. "…But now, it's run its course. Zim, we can't have you diverting us from our real invasions. The Control Brains have spoken, and we are canceling your existence continuation."

"I don't understand…" yelled Zim. "Who is forcing you to say these horrible lies? LIES!?" Are you being held captive by an INFERIOR RACE?"

"No one is forcing us, you are a defective! A defective, Zim! We're revoking your PAK hyper-powers. You will age, your body will die, you will be deleted, and we will be done with you once and for all."

"You can keep the garbage SIR."

"But the invasion…!" cried Zim.

"THERE NEVER WAS AN INVASION!" shouted the purple one, his face contorting into a snarl. "EARTH IS A DUMB, USELESS PLANET OF NO STRATEGIC, MATERIAL, OR POLITICAL VALUE!"

"Good bye, Zim. You tiny, stupid, defective, dookie."

The video stopped, paused on the gleeful faces of the two aliens. GIR hit the rewind button on the remote, watching with fascination at the recording playing backwards at high speed. "I rate it a four… I'm gonna watch it again!" it said.

The room was silent for a moment. I didn't really know what to say. On the one hand, this meant Earth is safe from alien invasions, and I don't have to protect the human race anymore (although recently I've been doubting whether the human race even deserves to be saved). On the other hand, loosing Zim was… unfathomable. Some time in the last seven years, Zim and I had developed a sort of begrudging respect for each other. It was nice knowing that, no matter what else changed in my life, Zim would always be there to fight against. To balance me. To be the one person who pays even a shred of attention to me.

"I… uh…"

"LEAVE! LEAVE Dib creature, leave me to die."

I sighed. I was going to regret this, I could tell, but I couldn't just let the alien die. He looked so pitiful. I mean, if he died I wouldn't have any proof of aliens. That's why was going to help him… right? "Zim… How long do you have?" I sat down on the floor next to him, my back against the couch.

Zim turned to me, looking up with his big crimson eyes. I couldn't tell you why, but I always preferred seeing him without his contacts in. The fake eyes always looked creepy and dead to me. "Without my PAK, my Irken body will age much more rapidly than normal. I will be dead and deleted within an Earthanoid century."

It took a moment for me to process that. "A cent… A century!? That's, like, a really long time! You've got nothing to be sad about, most humans don't even live that long."

"It could be less. The incredible, infallible Zim could be deleted within a week. Without a functional PAK, the Irken body takes much longer to heal. Were I to damage my endoskeleton, it could be weeks upon weeks, perhaps longer, for it to mend. I'm doomed," he said sadly, his voice uncharacteristically quiet.

I wasn't sure what to do. I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. He flinched at my touch, but didn't move after that. "It'll be alright. Just be careful and you should be fine."

Zim looked down at his three-fingered hands, slowly removing his gloves and setting them on the floor. "Can Zim ask the Dib a question?"

"Uh…"

"YES, YES I CAN ask a question. Zim does not seek permission from smelly humans." I nodded, unsure if I was supposed to agree with him or not, although I felt a little more comfortable now that he was yelling again. "Why does the Dib thing protect the Earth planet?"

"Why…? Because I live here!"

"But this planet is vile! Infested with GERMS and SQUIRRELS and HI SKOOLS. How can the Dib stand to… to…"

"Because I belong here. This is my home. Believe me, Zim, I hate this chunk of rock just as much as you do. You could detonate a freakin' atomic bomb and we would have to check the weather channel because we're so stupid we can't even tell fallout from snow."

"We…?"

"Well, other people. I mean, have you seen what they're doing to the planet? You can't even walk down the street without getting covered in grease and soot! Our leaders are all elected by a flawed voting system that serves the shadow government, and the only reason we don't all commit suicide is because we're pumped full of antidepressants and fluoride! Honestly, it's a wonder we haven't been invaded before."

"But Zim does not belong here." His antennae dropped. "I don't belong anywhere."

I took a moment to think about this. "Well, I don't know. I mean, if you're our invader, I guess you do belong here."

"But Zim is not your invader. Zim is LIES! IT WAS ALL LIES!" His lower lip… thing quivered sadly. "I am a defective. A failure. No longer even a true Irken, without a fully functional PAK. What am I now?"

We sat for a moment, the room still and silent, save for GIR's inappropriately cheerful humming. "You're my alien?"

"WHAT!? ZIM belongs to NO HUMAN."

"But think about it! I'm the only one who knows you're an alien, I'm the one who defends Earth from you, the only one. You're my task. My responsibility. My alien."

I looked down. I don't know when it had happened, but Zim had twisted a little so he was leaning against me, his back against my chest. It was… surprisingly comfortable. My stomach twisted nervously. Why was I feeling like this? I tried to shove the confusion from my head.

"Zim. You ARE an alien."

"…Yes? Why does the Dib stink state the obvious?"

"Because you're the only one who acknowledges me, you're the reason I know I'm not crazy."

Zim sniffled, which in retrospect is impressive given his lack of a nose. "Then why does the Dib smell keep trying to dissect Zim?"

"I was _warning_ you. That others would discover you and dissect you."

"LIES! YOU wanted to DISSECT ME! To DOOM me!"

I thought for a moment. "OK… yes, at the beginning, I guess I did. I just wanted to know how you worked. I still do. Like, what are your antennae for?"

"My MAGNIFICENT head-stems serve a multitude of functions, most of which are beyond your PATHETIC human comprehension. Mainly for display of emotions, perception of scent, sound, and magnetic fields… as well as to scratch the back of my head when it itches." He smiled a little. "We Irkens do not have long arms."

"See? That's all I wanted to know. I thought you would never tell me."

Zim sighed. "I guess I wouldn't have. Not then."

I nodded. A lot had changed in the past seven years. We both had matured (well, me more than Zim), and, from the bits and pieces of his past that I'd been able to piece together from intercepted transmissions, I had started to understand how Zim saw the world. "And your fingers? You only have three…" I gently grabbed his hand, tracing the three finger tendons that ran from his knuckles to his wrist. "Are there names for them? Like thumb and pinkie and stuff?" I'd always been fascinated by his fingers, the way they had an extra joint, the iridescent colors of his nails (claws?), and how long they were compared to mine.

Zim flexed his fingers, a curious and difficult to read expression on his face. He almost never took his gloves off, so I was happy for the opportunity to examine his hands.

"This is my thumb, just like yours. Except BETTER, of course. And this middle one is the flexator, and the short one is the eritor."

"Huh."

"…Yep."

We sat in silence some more, Zim now curled somewhat against me, my hand resting on the back of his. It was… cute? I tapped my chin in thought. Was Zim considered attractive for his species? What were their standards of beauty? And why was I suddenly so curious about how other Irkens viewed him?

"Hey, Zim, put on your disguise. We're going out."

"WHAT!? ZIM does not take ORDERS from lowly HUMANS, no matter how smelly they may be."

"I… wait. What? No, I'm taking you to a bar. We're getting drunk."

"ZIM DEMANDS you tell him what manner of HORRIBLE BEAST could DRINK THE MIGHTY ZIM."

"…No…, I mean I'm getting you… let's see…" I took a moment to figure out how to explain alcohol to Zim. "I am taking you to a place where humans consume chemicals that remove inhibitions and cause a mild sense of euphoria."

"You speak of LEMONADE!" shouted Zim, making me jump. "ZIM approves of this idea. I will have ALL the lemonade. Units and units of lemonade! Oh, the lemonade I shall consume…" He stood triumphantly, and for a moment I saw the old, unflappable Zim.

"Uh… sure."


	2. Chapter 2

At the bar, I ordered a rum and cola for myself, and sat next to Zim on one of the less stained barstools. I handed over my library card over to the bartender, a massive slab of a man who seemed a few minutes behind the rest of the world. He looked at it for a second, his eyes completely unfocused, before grunting in acceptance and handing the card back. I still haven't yet figured out why I can get away with that, my library card doesn't even look remotely like a drivers license.

"BEERMONGER!" shouted Zim, causing a few heads to turn toward us. "ZIM demands LEMONADE!"

The bartender raised an eyebrow slowly. "Hard lemonade?"

"LIQUID! Liquid lemonade for ZIM! Have you the brain worms?"

"…Right."

"I AM ZIM!" shouted Zim triumphantly.

A few moments later, the bartender brought our drinks. Zim stuck his tongue into his glass and began drinking, making awkward slurping noises. I suppose he uses his tongue like a straw, given that he tried to eat the plastic straw the bar tender handed him.

"Zim approves of this idea." His speech was already beginning to slur, and he quickly finished off the glass. "Bar monster! Zimmands more lemonade!"

I sipped quietly on my drink. I'd never seen Zim drunk before. Heck, I didn't even know that Irkens could get drunk, and on little more than sugar, citric acid, and yellow food coloring for that matter. Maybe it was the sourness that affected them? This could be interesting. He quickly downed another glass of lemonade. "Zim, why do you like invading?" I asked.

"Where…WHAT!? Zimvader… has always been invader. Since I was…" He hiccuped. Well, I assume it was a hiccup. It sounded more like a bird chirping. "A mere smee… smeet… thing… I have been -CHIRP- groomed for 'vading. Academy… I was a cadet, y'know. -CHIRP-" He finished off another glass, then indicated to the bartender for more. "Admiral Snork, she was top… thingy… said I could be ruler. ARE YOU HAPPY AMMIRAL?" He shouted, shaking his fist at the ceiling. "She… shaid the veins of invading march through my rubber pants. Bar'm'ster! More memolade! -CHIRP-" And with that, he promptly fell backwards off his bar stool, rambling incoherently at the ceiling.

"C'mon, Zim. I think you've had enough." I paid for our drinks, then scooped him up in my arms, thankful for his tiny stature.

"Leggo Zim…" he muttered. "Zim is carried by nomman… no humam… man." I think he fell asleep at that point, but I wasn't really sure. A little buzzed myself, I carried him back to his house where GIR let us in.

"GIR? Uh… can… can we have some privacy?"

"You betcha! What is it?"

"Oh, uh… It means… go to the lower level, start at ten, and count backwards until you get to orange." That ought to keep it occupied for a while. It saluted me, then disappeared into the kitchen.

I set Zim down on his couch and sat next to him. He mumbled something about doom, then tipped over and fell onto my lap, his head resting on my thighs. I smiled, feeling content, although I had no idea why.

"Dibly… I thanks you. Maybe -CHIRP- friend?"

A smile crept on to my face. Friend. I hadn't had a friend since… well, for as long as I could remember. Friends were just something that other people had. I leaned my head back against the couch, letting my mind wander…

* * *

"DIB STINK! AWAKE!" I blearily opened my eyes. I was still on Zim's couch, although I didn't remember falling asleep. Zim was standing on the cushion next to me, although that barely brought him up to my sitting eye level.

"Uhgg." I rubbed my eyes. Thunder echoed distantly outside, and I wasn't sure what time it was.

"WHAT has the Dib creature done to Zim?"

"Huh?"

Zim crossed his arms angrily. He had removed his contacts, although he was still wearing his goofy wig. "What did Dib do with Zim last night?"

"Uh… I took you out for drinks?"

"For drinks… FOR DRINKS!" He shouted, pacing back and forth across the couch cushions, wobbling a little. "Why did the Dib remove inhibitions from ZIM?"

It took me a moment to figure out what he was asking. "Erm… because I thought it would help you feel better?"

"But WHY!? ZIM REQUIRES ANSWERS!" His shouting was a little quieter than normal, and I noticed his eyes were a tinge bluer than usual. Perhaps that was the Irken equivalent of being bloodshot. Man, he's a lightweight.

"Uh… because that's what friends do."

"Friend? FRIEND? The smelly, stinky, odorous Dib is FRIEND!?" He sat down on the couch and… well, it sure looked like he was pouting, trying to figure something out.

"Yeah…? I mean, aren't we? Isn't that what you said?"

"I don't know," he said sadly. I always got really nervous whenever he used first person to refer to himself. "Do friends fight?"

"Erm… All the time, I think."

"Are friends enemies?"

"Well… not exactly. I suppose it's possible." I played with a small rip in the couch cushion. I was far from an expert about friendships, and Zim's questions were making me feel a little… inadequate. I rubbed my eyes, some amount of alcohol still in my system.

"Do friends mate?"

"Ye-wait, what!?"

"IGNORE ZIM'S PREVIOUS INQUIRY!"

"No no no, you said-"

"LIES! YOU SPEAK LIES!" He pointed a finger at me accusingly, although he was looking anywhere but at me.

"Mating is… well, it's-"

"SHUT YOUR SOUND HOLE, OR I WILL DESTROY YOU!

I smirked. Although Zim had done a pretty good job of maiming me over the years, his threats of destruction were never actually followed through on. In fact, the times that I had been seriously injured were mostly accidents that he later claimed were intentional.

"Zim, do you even understand how human mating works?"

He nodded proudly. "Yes. The taller sticks their finger in their mouth, then inserts the saliva-covered finger into the shorter's ear."

"No, that's a wet willy. It's… something young kids do to… I guess to tease each other."

"Yes! This 'tease' assists in engorging the shorter's ear hole to better receive the genetic material in the saliva."

I rubbed my face. "No, that's not human mating."

"Oh… Then the genetic material must be stored in the stomach button in fluff form. It makes sense now. What else could said button be used for?"

"No, that's bellybutton lint. Why did you bring up mating?"

Zim… was he blushing!? I rubbed my chin, thinking. "Zim, on your planet, how does… uh, mating work? Like, the dating thing, not the actual… y'know, 'body things'."

"We do not mate any longer, the Irken species has advanced far beyond the need for such pathetic animalistic rituals. Occasionally, we do choose life partners, though. For strategic advantages, of course."

"Of course." I smirked. "And, hypothetically speaking, if an Irken were to choose a 'strategic' partner, how would they go about doing that?"

Zim glanced at me with those big crimson eyes. He looked sad, for some reason. "On the Irken home planet, the primary complement is to remark upon the other's height. The greatest compliment is to refer to another as one's tallest. Only the Supreme Tallest can receive that praise, though." A scowl crossed his face briefly as he mentioned his leaders. "Other complements can include 'taller', 'reasonably tall', 'quite tall', 'vertically gifted', and, if one is feeling bold, 'lanky'."

"Huh…"

"But Zim is not tall. Zim is short."

"No kidding."

"So Zim has never considered having a partner."

I tapped my chin, thinking. This conversation was headed in an interesting direction, although it was starting to veer into 'awkward' territory. "Will you be OK tonight?" I asked, standing.

"What does the Dib thing mean?"

I shrugged. "It's late, I'm tired, and you're still a little drunk on lemonade. Does your… PAK thing… I don't know how it works. Will you need, erm, help? Y'know, with the whole 'not dying' thing?"

Zim shivered, and laughed hollowly. "My PAK. Before, it was a glorious device of incomprehensible potential. It was my primary line of defense. My safe guard. My survival kit. My backup. My ZIM-ness" He tapped his PAK. "Now it is nothing more than a metal storage unit." There was a slight hiss as he removed it from his back, holding it sadly.

"WHOA!" I shouted. "Won't you, like, die in ten minutes or something without it on?"

Zim sat back down on the couch. "The life-count, yes. That is only if it is forcibly removed from Zim's body. Like it was when the Dib beast stole it." He glared at me, although he knew well that I had no idea what I had done at the time. "When it is intentionally removed, or when it is disabled, as this one is, it transfers all essential functionality to the tertiary brain in Zim's luxurious forehead. Bodily functions, primary memories, first through fourth level consciousness and subconsciousness, core motor skills, etc." He shivered. "It also keeps… I mean, kept, Zim warm on this revolting chilly Earth mud-ball."

"Can't you just heat up your base?"

"Foolish Dib. The interface for the base computer's core reactor regulator is so complex that the knowledge required to modify the system's thermal properties was stored in the PAK, and was not flagged as vital enough to copy during the deactivation transfer."

I struggled a little through that sentence, parsing it out in my head. "So… you forgot."

"LIES!" Zim shouted, shaking his fist at the ceiling. "ZIM did not FORGET! The FORGETTENING was FORCED upon the glorious ZIM when the CRUEL TALLEST cruelly deactivated Zim's PAK in their CRUEL ACT OF CRUEL CRUELTY."

I took my glasses off for a moment to rub my eyes. "So basically you're cold and can't get warm?"

"Yes, dumb human. Besides, even if Zim could, raising the core reactor temperature even a few kelvin could trigger a massive meltdown." I put my glasses back on and walked back to the couch. Sitting next to Zim, I leaned against him, his cool shoulder against my warm chest. A little voice in my head chided me that this was a bad idea, but the dribble of remaining alcohol drowned it out. "Zim does not think… wait a moment… YES! ZIM has an IDEA! Dib human, your pathetic human body generates heat, does it not?" I nodded. "Yes… YES! You, Dib warmth, shall transfer your corpulent heat to ZIM until the Earth Sun rises and Zim can create a more permanent solution."

I smiled a little and patted my lap, indicating for him to move closer. I don't think he got the idea, though. "ZIM shall remove the Dib creature's internal organs, and replace them with himself, thus absorbing the human's warmth! I'M A GENIUS!"

"Hey, genius? That'd kill me." Zim looked at me blankly. I always forget that his concept of mortality was different from… well, basically anyone else I'd ever met. "If I'm dead I won't generate more heat."

"Very well. Perhaps-" Zim was cut short when a loud clank rang out, and GIR fell from the mess of conduits that made up the ceiling. "GIR! What were you doing up there?"

"I wanna be a lemur!" it cried. "Ye-haw! But I heard master and Mary talking 'bout body things. I thinks you should cuddle it. Bestest way for warmmies!"

"Cuttle? I have read about this… 'cuttle'. It is a fish type, no?"

I rubbed my eyes again. There must have been much more rum in that drink I had than I thought, since I was actually considering cuddling with Zim. "Zim, where's your bedroom?"

"Room of beds? YES! I have such things. BEDS! OH THE BEDS I HAVE!"

"You don't have one," I stated flatly.

Zim ignored me. "COMPUTER! Download all knowledge of these… 'beds rooms' from the human's pathetic internet. Analyze, synthesize, and fabricate the optimum 'bedroom' for ZIM! Uh… Use multipurpose chamber 6A. For tonight, ZIM SHALL CUTTLEFISH THE DIB WARMTH!" There was silence for a moment. "Computer?"

"Please," came the haughty metallic voice of the base's computer. "I am CREATING… Complete."

"Very good. DIB!" I jumped a little. "You will accompany me to the lower bed level room thing."

I sighed. I was exhausted, and was hoping I could just stay on the couch. But Zim grabbed my arm and led me toward the elevator to the lower levels. "Ow, Zim. You're hurting my arm. My shoulder doesn't bend like that."

"Ha. Pathetic human skeletal system." Same old Zim.


	3. Chapter 3

Zim's new bedroom was… well, it was unlike any bedroom I've ever seen before. The walls were painted the typical Irken Purple, and the floor was a soft ocean blue carpet. Rather than a typical mattress on a raised platform, there was a circular recess in the middle of the floor that housed a round bed. A glowing yellow orb hung from the ceiling, surrounded by small silvery balls strung together in a haphazard net; this seemed to be the computer's idea of a chandelier. The ceiling was vaulted, and looked to be covered in a giant sheet of curved acrylic etched with a map of the galaxy. Lights along the side of the ceiling lit up the acrylic so it glowed cyan. The effect was stunning, if a little gaudy. The bedroom wasn't perfect though, by any means. The door to what I really hoped was the bathroom had a large, industrial 'men's room' sign on it, there was a drinking fountain on the far wall, and a comically large toilet paper dispenser contained extra blankets. All in all, though, it was a surprisingly comfortable space.

"Eh, this will have to do for now. I'll fix it later," mumbled Zim, now shivering constantly. "Dib-beast. Bring forth the cuttlefish and demonstrate to Zim how it functions."

I rubbed my eyes, wishing I had a watch. There was a digital clock on a small pedestal near the drinking fountain, but its LED display read 'FERN' in glowing green letters. "Zim, there's no fish. It's called cuddling." Zim looked at me blankly. "Like snuggling?"

"Snuggling? Now you are just making mouth sounds, no intelligent species would ever use that as a word."

I sighed, kicked off my shoes, dropped my trench coat, and climbed down into the recessed bed. "C'mon, Zim," I mumbled, a part of me not looking forward to this. Zim hopped down into the bed and stood, looking lost. Between his shivering and his obvious unfamiliarity with the concept of a bed, I felt a pang of sadness for him. So vulnerable. This must be how he saw me when he still had his PAK. And wasn't banished by his leaders. I motioned for Zim to lay next to me.

"Zim demands that you explain this 'snuddling'… snuggle… fish… thing, before Zim participates."

"Well, you come lay next to me, and I'll put my arms around you, and you just… sorta… y'know, snuggle." With a distrustful glare, Zim crawled over to me, and curled up with his back just barely touching my chest.

"Zim does not feel warmer," he muttered. I reached my arms around him and pulled his tiny body close to me, trying to transfer as much heat as I could to him. He began struggling, trying to move further away. "Human, what on Irk do you think you are…?" I curled my knees up beneath him, locking him in place, and suddenly he stopped squirming. "Oh."

I smiled to myself. Zim could be adorable some times… Adorable? I wondered, the word echoing in my head. Did I really think Zim was cute? I felt Zim relax in my arms, pulling my hands closer to his chest. Yes, I decided, as I felt his cool skin start to warm up. Zim was cute. Irritating, reckless, self-centered, and hopelessly clueless, but definitely cute.

"Zim sees why it is called snuggling now," muttered Zim quietly, almost to himself, as I felt his body go limp with sleep. Carefully adjusting one of the pink pillows (of course it had to be pink) to keep from getting a neck cramp and pulling the soft velour sheet over us, I closed my eyes and dropped off to sleep as well.

* * *

I don't remember much details, just Zim. We must have been at some sort of formal dance, since I vaguely recall bodies in tuxedos around us, although I don't know if they were human or Irken. Zim was wearing a tuxedo as well, although it had the same ribbed pattern and color as his invader uniform, and he had a goofy silver bowtie on that, in my skewed logic, reminded me of GIR. He bowed low to me, then extended his hand. "Dance?" he asked, his voice soft and comforting. I grinned, taking his hand and sweeping him off his feet. For some reason, Zim was much taller (or I was much shorter), and our similar heights let us dance together without any stooping or reaching. It was a slow song, although I don't recall any actual music, and Zim rested his arms on my shoulders. Just like I've seen other kids do at skool formals, I placed my hands on Zim's hips and began swaying back and forth, taking small steps in time with the nonexistent beat. Zim pressed his body against me, and all I could think about was how much I cared about him, how he made me feel, how he completed me. I briefly wondered if this is what love feels like. Something outside of my world stirred, and everything shifted into darkness. The dance was gone, and I couldn't move my arms. Or legs. I was pinned… no, suspended; hanging from some sort of restraint. I wanted to try to escape before something bad happened, and I knew somehow that something bad WAS going to happen, but my neck wouldn't let me look anywhere but straight ahead. In the darkness, something moved. Something big and spidery.

"Foolish, pathetic human." It was Zim. His PAK was back, and he was using the extended spider arms to climb toward me, hovering just outside of the ring of light I was in. "You actually thought I could be defeated so easily?"

I swallowed. I had let my guard down. Zim had led me into his base, into his lab in the basement, hadn't he? He'd tricked me into falling asleep. How could I have been so dumb?

"Zim may be defective, but ZIM IS SUPERIOR. AND ZIM SHALL PREVAIL. ZIM SHALL SLAY!" he screamed, alien spittle flying. I still couldn't clearly make out his face, but his eyes glowed red in the dark. A metallic spider arm crept into the small ring of light and lingered on my exposed, inexplicably shirtless chest. "Dib stupid. You felt for Zim. You cared. You worried. And YOU WILL DIE!" I felt a searing pain as the razor sharp tip of the PAK arm sliced into my chest, grating on my sternum. I screamed, thrashing about trying to free myself. Another arm snaked up my leg, ripping flesh and sending my blood flying. Zim was hanging upside down, in my face, laughing…

No. Not laughing. He looked worried. Panicked, even. And the darkness and pain was gone.

"Dib? Please wake up, Dib! Please… you are having a malfunction! Dib thing… please…"

I blinked the sleep from my eyes. Somewhere in the back of my mind the tiny voice of logic informed me that it was all a dream, that I was still laying in bed with Zim, that I wasn't injured. But my knee-jerk reaction was to get as far away from Zim as possible. I scrambled to my knees, throwing Zim off of me, and crawled as far away as I could, screaming. "Aaahh!" I huddled against the side of the bed.

Zim looked around, his eyes fearful. I guess he gave up trying to figure out what was going on, and he resorted to screaming as well. "AAAAHH!"

"Aaahh!"

"Aahhhh!" We went back and forth a few times, screaming, until I finally found my vocabulary. "Murderer!"

"Where!?" Zim looked around the room, not realizing I was referring to him.

"You! You killed me! …Were killing me! You stabbed me in… my…" I stopped, catching my breath. It was all a dream, the voice reminded me. "A dream…" I muttered to myself, patting my hands across my intact chest just to make sure.

"Zim did not kill you. Zim would not kill you. Not any more," whimpered Zim, looking hurt. "Please, Dib. You are scaring me." He began shivering again.

"What?"

"You were moving in your hibernative state. Moaning. You seemed to be in pain. Zim was worried… Zim is still worried."

I sat down on the mattress, my heart rate slowing down. "Sorry… I, uh… I had a nightmare."

"A mare? Those are female equines, yes? You had a horse?"

"No… well, I guess I kind of did, figuratively. I had a… um… a dream. Y'know what those are, right?"

Zim nodded. "My GIR unit told me about them. You humans have hallucinations when you are in sleep mode. Sometimes they can lead to dampness."

I snorted. "Uh… sure. I… I had a bad dream. But it was just a dream." Zim nodded, still looking lost. "It's not important. I'm fine." Zim gave me a reproachful glare. "Really, I'm fine!" I laid back down on the bed, and Zim curled up against me, his head on my shoulder.

"Zim would not kill you," he repeated softly as he pulled the velour sheet back over the two of us.

"…I know. Thank you." We lapsed into silence for a few minutes, Zim curled up against my side as we both gazed into the star map etched into the ceiling. "Which one is Irk?" I asked, beginning to feel awkward in the silence.

"The Irken home planet? It is the big yellow orb, stupid. The most glorious planet in the galaxy." Zim gestured at the glowing chandelier as his shivering subsided.

"Oh. Right." We dropped into silence again.

"Zim has been to many planets. Vort, home of the brilliant yet repulsive scientists…" Zim pointed at a dot near the door to the bedroom. "Hobo 13 and Devastis, both training planets for invaders. Over there, that's Conventia, home of the largest convention center in the galaxy, and some of the most expensive parking this side of Boodie Nen. Way back there, that's Planet Foodcourtia, where Zim was banished for… uh… 'improving' Operation Impending Doom I." He shivered, and I held him a little closer, although I got the sense that the shiver wasn't from the cold.

"Where's Earth?" I asked.

Zim spent a moment looking around. "Uh… There." He pointed at a little tiny fleck in the far corner of the map, barely visible.

"Wow, we really are out in the boondocks."

"Incorrect. We are in Sector Y, Quadrant 8, subsection 22."

"I mean we're out in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh." Zim sighed, curling up a little closer to me. "Yes. Earth is in the least populated sector of the galaxy. My- I mean, _the_ Tallest probably sent me here because it is so remote."

I wrapped my arm around Zim's shoulders in what I hoped was a comforting way. "If you could leave, would you? You still have your Voom thingy."

"Voot Cruiser." Zim sighed again, looking up at the star map. "Zim would not know where to go. Without a PAK, Zim is not capable of invading. And as a defective, Zim is no longer welcome in the Irken Empire. Perhaps I could go to Blorch."

"What's on Blorch?" I asked as Zim pointed it out on the map above us.

"Planet Blorch is the home of the vile slaughtering rat people. It is also the planet assigned to Invader Skoodge, perhaps the only remaining Irken still loyal to Zim… I hope."

"Huh. Maybe you should call him?"

Zim rubbed his chin. "Maybe. I think he was killed." I looked over at Zim, half-expecting him to show some sort of sadness. But he just scratched his neck absentmindedly, looking around at the other planets on the map.

"I'm uh… sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, it probably hurt a lot. I think I will call him tomorrow."

"Wait, I thought you said he was killed?" I sat up a little, feeling wide awake. Something in the back of my mind was clicking together, although I wasn't sure exactly what.

"Indeed, but he'll get better. Yes, he's probably fine by now."

I sat up completely, provoking a small groan from Zim at the sudden lack of warmth. "Zim, when someone is dead, they're dead. They don't come back."

He scoffed at me. "But of course they do! That is what the PAK is for. Upon death of the body, the Irken is uploaded into the control brains on the Irken home world via a relay module aboard the Massive. At the time of the control brain's choosing, a proto-PAK is created and the Irken is uploaded into the PAK, which is then attached to a blank. Glorious, yes?"

"Zim… Humans aren't like that. You realize that, right? When we die, we're… uh… deleted, like you said."

Zim frowned. "N-no, you are backed up as well! Yes! Via your cellular communication modules!"

I shook my head, everything clicking into place. "Zim, we don't have that kind of technology. We're mortal. When you kill us, we're gone. Forever."

"F-forever?" Zim looked shocked. I suppose I really shouldn't have been that surprised, given how advanced their technology is and how completely clueless Zim is. It made sense now. Zim killed so ruthlessly because he didn't realize what he was doing. "Z-zim would not have done that. I d-didn't know." I laid back down, hoping Zim would rest his head on my shoulder again (why did I enjoy that so much?), but he knelt down, his head on his knees. "Zim is a deleter," he muttered to himself.

"C'mon, Zim, it's not that bad. It's-"

"NOT THAT BAD?" He jumped to his feet, suddenly appearing angry. "Do you realize how many pathetic, revolting, slimy humans Zim has deleted?"

I nodded. "Seventy eight. But trust me, Zim. I've looked into it. Most of them were terrible people. Eight already had murder records, eleven had sexual assault charges against them, three were skool officials, nine were extortionists, and over two dozen were leaders of the shadow government."

"YOU!"

"What?" I jumped a little as Zim rounded on me and pointed a finger accusingly.

"You knew this ALL ALONG. YOU did not correct me. YOU did not inform me. YOU didn't even try that hard at stopping me, did you?"

That struck a nerve with me. "Oh, so now I'm the bad guy?" I shouted back, matching his volume as I climbed to my knees. "What am I, your keeper?"

"ZIM KNEW NOTHING ABOUT EARTH! For all I knew, you filthy worm babies could be fearsome war criminals!"

 _He's right_ , said a little voice in my head. I ignored it. "Well, FORGIVE ME for not rolling out the welcome mat! For all I knew, you could have been some sort of terrible murdering invader. Oh, wait. YOU WERE!" _Stop_ , said that little voice. _This will only end badly._

"And your planet could have been toxic to me! Oh wait. IT IS! I HATE this filthy mud ball you call home. AND NOW, THANKS TO YOU, I'm stuck here for the REST OF MY LIFE!"

 _Let it go. Don't yell back._ "HOW THE HECK IS THAT MY FAULT!?"

"YOU COULD HAVE JUST KILLED ME. I WOULD HAVE BEEN SENT BACK TO THE IRKEN HOME WORLD AND BEEN DOWNLOADED INTO A NEW BODY!" Zim was shaking, although I didn't know if it was from anger or from cold. Despite his words and tone of voice, he looked on the verge of crying.

 _He's just upset. It's a big shock. Let him process it._ "OH, so now it's MY FAULT I DIDN'T KILL YOU?"

"YES!"

 _Don't do it_. "THAT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD YOU SAY!" _Stop, you know where this is going_. "YOU THINK I SHOULD HAVE WON?" _Don't do it, Dib_. "YOU REALLY COULDN'T EVEN DEFEAT A MIDDLE SKOOL BOY!?" _Please don'_ t. "WELL I GUESS YOU REALLY ARE A DEFECTIVE, TERRIBLE, USELESS INVADER!"

Zim stumbled backward as if he had been physically punched, a look of shock and betrayal etched across his face. "Wait, no, I didn't really mean…" I mumbled, immediately regretting my words.

"Yeah… you're right, Dib," Zim whimpered. "The Tallest were right. Everyone was right about me." I reached out for Zim, hoping I could calm him down, but he quickly climbed up out of the bed and ran out of the room. A moment later I heard the whirr of the elevator, followed by the hiss and slam of the front door. I sank down to my knees, not even realizing I had stood up. What did I just do?

"Err… Not that it's any of my business…" I jumped at the voice of the computer. "But you might want to know that it is currently raining, and will likely continue raining for another four point seven hours."

"So…?" I mumbled, feeling empty and lost. Zim had left me. I screwed up, and he left. I banged my head against the rim of the bed recess, but all it earned me was a mild headache. How could I have been so idiotic?

"Master missed his paste bath yesterday."

Crud. Without his paste coating, Zim would be burned by the acid rain. "Where'd he go?"

"I dunno, he went out the front door and turned right."

Well, that was helpful. Zim's house is on a cul-de-sac. The only way out was to turn right. He could be anywhere. I pulled my shoes and trench coat on and quickly ran out of the bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4

"ZIM!?" I called, running down the street. Where could he be? I ran past my house, looking briefly at the front yard, but it was empty. Besides, Zim knows not to mess with the electrostatic fence on our lawn, right? Coming to an intersection, I looked left and right. To the left was our Hi Skool, but it would be locked at night. To the right was a small neighborhood park. Maybe there? I sighted a thin trail of green ooze leading to the right. I prayed that it wasn't Zim's blood as I followed the trail. It turned out to lead past the park to a small concrete and metal bus stop where the hobos tend to gather. Thankfully, due to the rain, the local hobos were all at the end of the block, showering in a leaky gutter.

I peaked into the darkened structure, and breathed a sigh of relief. Zim was there, although he was laying on his side and not moving. "Zim! …Zim?" I kneeled next to him, placing my hand on his side. He was breathing. Good, he's alive. I paused to catch my breath. He's alive, he's out of the rain, he's going to be OK. Shoot, now I need to get him back somewhere dry. He was covered in burns, and the scrapes on his knees told me he had crawled into the bus stop. I pulled off my trench coat and carefully wrapped him in it, taking care around the bloody and raw parts of his skin. He moaned a little, but was completely unconscious otherwise. "Time to fix this," I muttered more to myself than to Zim.

* * *

I had originally anticipated taking him back to his base, but the rain was getting heavier and my trench coat wasn't exactly waterproof, so I ended up going to my house instead. At least there I can work the thermostat without causing a nuclear meltdown. Gaz was fast asleep in the living room, holding her GameSlave like a teddybear, and my dad was nowhere to be found, as usual. Trying my best to not wake up my sister, I shut the front door and carried Zim up the stairs to my bedroom. I briefly wondered why I thought my bedroom would be better than, say, the lab in the basement. Who knows how long it'll take Zim to recover, particularly without his PAK? Best to keep him hidden in my room for now, I rationalized. Once inside, I swept a few books and papers from my bed and gently laid Zim down, making sure he was in a comfortable position before taking a closer look at his wounds. Double crud. His burns were really really bad, and some of them had dirt and ick in them. I'd have to clean them without burning him any more. Acid… the burns were caused by acid rain. This was one of the very few times I was glad I was raised by a scientist.

After making sure that Zim wouldn't wake up while I was gone (he was snoring pretty heavily, so I figured I was safe), I ran downstairs and began collecting stuff in a large cardboard box. Distilled water and baking soda to clean his burns. Fog machine juice to keep his skin from drying out (it's basically just glycerol and water). Bandages and gauze pads. Extra pillows and blankets. And, since I had no idea how long Zim would take to recover, a box of sugar puffs, a pack of kale chips, and a liter bottle of Poop Cola.

After cleaning and bandaging his wounds as best I could (which unfortunately involved removing his tunic thing and pants… thank god he was wearing underwear), I tucked him into the bed and sat myself on the edge of my messy desk, munching on a kale chip and thinking.

This was all my fault, wasn't it? _I_ argued back, called Zim defective and worthless (or something, I don't even remember what exactly we were arguing about any more), and caused Zim to flip out and nearly burn himself to death. And Zim… he'd called me a friend! What kind of friend am I if I nearly got him killed?

 _"…Do friends fight…?"_

 _"…All the time…"_

I smiled a little, remembering our conversation earlier. I'd never had a friend before, and I was pretty sure neither had Zim, so maybe we weren't doing so bad for first timers.

 _"…Do friends mate…?"_

I nearly choked on a kale chip. Why had Zim asked me that? Why… I suddenly remembered the dream I had before my nightmare last night. Dancing with Zim. I frowned a little as my body flooded with warmth at the thought. What the heck is wrong with me?

"Do you really want me to answer that?" mumbled Zim. Crud, I had been talking out loud.

"Hey, Zim… you're awake." I hopped off of the edge of my desk and knelt on the bed next to Zim. "You got some pretty bad burns. You might-"

"OW!"

"…Hurt for a while until they heal."

Zim glared at me briefly before his expression softened. "I-is the Dib still angry at me?"

"No…" I sighed. "I wasn't really angry before, either. It's just… I've never really had a friend. I guess I'm just so used to fighting with you that I kinda fell into the old pattern."

"Oh." Zim looked down at his hands. "…Wait a minute. I'M NAKED!" He grabbed at the covers and pulled them up to his chin, hiding from me. "What did you do with Zim's glorious clothes?"

"They're in the dryer, they were soaking wet with acid rain."

"Well, GIVE THEM BACK! I can't… I mean, I don't… YOU SAW ME STARK-"

"Dude, I closed my eyes. Plus you still have on your underwear." Truth be told, they actually looked a bit like women's panties. My cheeks tingled with heat at that thought. "Here, you can wear this until your uniform is dry." I handed him one of my white pajama tees and turned my back while he put it on.

"Uh… Your bed is very cuttle-fishy. Zim likes it."

"…Thanks?" I turned back and had to suppress the urge to laugh. My shirt was so big on him that it nearly reached his ankles.

"ZIM DEMANDS MORE SNUDDLING FROM THE DIB WARMTH!"

I jumped. "Keep it down! You don't want to wake up Gaz, do you?" A brief look of fear crossed Zim's face and he slowly shook his head 'no'. "Are you cold?"

"No, Zim's temperature is acceptable right now." It ought to be, I had set the thermostat to 74ºF when I went downstairs.

"Why do you want to cuddle then?"

Zim's cheeks turned a little darker as he looked down at his gloveless hands. "W-well… Zim found it rather enjoyable. Please?"

"…Fine. Scoot over." I crawled into bed with him for the second time and wrapped my arms around him, although this time he stayed facing me with his face buried against my neck. He wrapped his arms around me like before, and almost instantly I felt my face flush.

"Dib? Zim is… sorry. About earlier. About what I said." Was he apologizing to me? Man, it's been a weird day.

"Oh, uh… It's OK."

"Zim has not really had friends before. It's… difficult. On the Irken home world we never had friendships. Not really. Just allies, or partners."

"Zim?"

"Hmm?" He looked up at me with his big magenta eyes, and the strangest impulse hit me. I wanted to _kiss_ him. What the heck!?

"I… uh… Earlier, back at your base, you mentioned something about friends mating." Zim blushed a little, but didn't break eye contact. "Why?"

"Well, uh…" He fidgeted a little with the back of my shirt, rolling the fabric between his fingers. "Zim is… Y'know, short. So, like I said earlier, I always thought I would never have a partner… Strategic partner, that is. But… Maybe I've wanted one. It would be nice…"

"But what does that have to do with mating?"

"Is mating not a show of affection on Earth? Back home, it is considered the most intimate, sincere, and binding act between two Irkens. Of course, it's not really _mating_ , since our amazing bodies have long since moved past the need to produce smeets biologically, but the term still stands." Zim yawned, reminding me that he was still recovering from his injuries. I found it… cute. Yes, cute, I decided, the way he yawned and the small _yeek_ noise he made.

I could feel the heat emanating from my cheeks I was blushing so hard. Hopefully Zim didn't notice, since it was pretty dark in my room and his face was resting gently against my chest. My heart was pounding hard, and although Zim seemed to be on the brink of falling back to sleep, I was wide awake; yearning to know more about his desire for a mate. "Zim?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Is… Is there someone specific? Y'know, that you want for your partner?"

Zim yawned again before answering. "S'maybe… But he's not… wouldn't be… not even Irken…" And with that, Zim fell asleep, snoring lightly.


	5. Chapter 5

In the morning, I awoke with an idea. Probably a terrible idea, given my track record with Zim, but I figured it was worth a shot. In the weak morning light, I glanced at Zim. He was still sleeping peacefully, a little bit of drool dripping down his chin. Seeing him wearing my clothing was a little strange, but to my surprise I found that he actually looked good in my colors. I really hadn't seen him wear any color other than his neon pinkish purple uniform.

Zim looked… happy. The corners of his mouth were quirked up into a smile, and his antennas twitched slightly as I moved to face him. It seemed like his burns were scabbing up nicely, although I was a little worried about them getting infected.

I jumped a little when Zim opened his eyes. "Z-Zim! I didn't… did I wake you?"

"Zim does not know. I do not normally sleep like… like I just did. I feel… mahhh…" He closed his eyes and smiled, rubbing his cheek against the fabric of the pillow.

"How are your burns feeling?"

"Sore, but better. I have endured much worse pain before. This is not so bad." He picked at one of his scabs, and I swatted at his hand.

"Don't do that. I… I want to show you something."

"Is it food? For ZIM IS HUNGRY! Ow…" He moaned as the movement of his shouting rubbed some of his burns against each other. A small dribble of his green blood-ooze dripped from his cheek.

"Hold on, I'll get you something." I rolled out of bed, grabbed some gauze and the box of cereal, and worked on patching him up as he ate. "I was thinking… stop that!" I swatted his hand away as he tried to pick at another scab. "I realized that you've really only seen one tiny part of Earth, this dumb city. But there's so much more to Earth! I wanted to show you one of my favorite places, Roswell."

Zim hummed softly as he munched on the cereal, getting crumbs all over my bed.

* * *

Despite apparently still being in a considerable amount of pain (although he stubbornly claimed he was fine), Zim wanted to see Roswell as soon as possible. By the afternoon, the rain had stopped completely, and Zim was obviously getting restless.

"Why does Dib have so many different clothings?" he asked, rifling through my dresser. He would pull each individual item from the drawer, hold it up to inspect, then toss it on the floor. "What are these?" He held up a pair of underwear.

"Those…" I grabbed them from his hand and shoved them back into the drawer, slamming it shut and trying not to blush. "Are none of your concern. Let's go, before you completely destroy my room."

* * *

I led him out to the small garage where I kept Tak's ship thing. It had taken a few years, but I had finally gotten her AI out of the system completely. I tossed some snacks into the back and started flipping the switches to turn it on, but Zim tugged on my ear, distracting me.

"DIBSTINK! OBSERVE! What is THAT!?"

I looked where he was pointing. "Oh, that's a rainbow. They show up after it rains, when the sun comes out."

"It looks… DELICIOUS!" He licked his lips, and I tried not to focus on his tongue. It suddenly looked a lot more appealing than normal, and I struggled to look away."

"I-I don't think it's edible… or even solid."

"Some day, ZIM shall EAT THE RAINCOLORS!" He smiled triumphantly. "I shall indeed."

I silently facepalmed, before entering the coordinates of Roswell into the ship's navigational computer.

* * *

Once we were in the air, Zim turned to face me. "Dib?"

"Hmm?"

"Last night, you asked me about Irken mating. NOW ZIM shall ask about human mating."

I blushed. I don't know anything about human mating… Only things I've read online, and what my own body told me I enjoyed. "Um… Okay."

"Do you like someone?"

I blushed even deeper. "T-that's not really about human mating, Zim."

"You are human, and I want to know if you want to mate with another."

"Another human?"

"Another… anything."

I shrugged, my face burning. "I uh… I dunno. I mean, I've never… done anything, and I can't say that I find other people particularly attractive in general… But there is someone… maybe… who I think I might enjoy… being with."

Zim nodded, seemingly satisfied. "You shall tell me more when we arrive in Gosflell."

"Roswell."

"I AM ZIM!"

* * *

I landed the cruiser just outside of the city limits, at the edge of a small canyon that I had visited many times before. Zim looked around with curiosity, his antennas wiggling and his eyes wide.

"This place stinks different," he declared, climbing onto a small rock and surveying the canyon. The sun was just starting to get low in the sky, and it was just windy enough to keep the desert from being overbearingly hot.

"Yeah, it should. There's no smog out here." I began unpacking some snacks when I heard Zim scream. Worried that he had fallen down into the canyon, or been bitten by a coyote or something, I turned and ran up the small rock, then burst out laughing.

Zim was in his "battle stance", glaring down at a small animal. "It's trying to attack! Save ZIM!" He hissed at the creature.

"Zim, it's nothing to be afraid of, it's an armadillo." I walked over and picked up the animal, who seemed completely oblivious to Zim's existence.

"An armored dillo? Is it dangerous?"

"Armadillo, and no, they eat mostly bugs and worms, I think. I've never seen one this far into the desert, though. He must have gotten lost or something." The armadillo squirmed in my hands for a moment, then curled into a little ball.

"I see! The Dillo has its own, built-in armor plating. INGENIOUS!"

I placed the little ball down on the ground, where he (she?) unrolled and walked toward Zim. It stopped and stretched, much like how a cat stretches, and Zim gasped. "It is bowing to me! TO ZIM! This Dillo creature has obviously seen the amazingness of ME and has submitted to me. ARMORED DILLO! I SHALL RULE YOU WITH AN IRON FIST!" He lifted the armadillo with both hands. "I require you to use your armor to protect ZIM'S MAGNIFICENT HEAD!" He placed the poor guy on his head, almost like a helmet, and beamed. "I'M A GENIUS!"

The armadillo yawned, then appeared to fall asleep.

* * *

After we had a nice snack of assorted junk food, Zim and I sat on the edge of the canyon, watching the sun set. Zim had taken the armadillo off of his head, and had placed it in his lap, where it was continuing to sleep. He reminded me of a cartoon villain, stroking a cat, except the cat was an armadillo, and he was less villain and more nuisance. He leaned against me, and we spent a few moments in a comfortable silence.

"I used to come here when I was little," I mumbled, my hand absently rubbing Zim's back. "When I was really upset with Dad or Gaz, I'd run away and take the bus here. I always felt more… more at home here. With the ufo-ologists, and the cryptozoologists, and the weird new-age vortex worshippers… This always felt like where we all escaped to, where the people who didn't fit in anywhere else would run away to, to be with each other."

"Zim is a misfit now, too," Zim mumbled, his voice soft and relaxed. "Maybe I can be a misfit with Dib?"

"Zim?"

"Hmm?" He turned and looked at me with those freaking adorable eyes.

"I think I like you."

He scoffed. "Of course you like me. ZIM is the MOST LIKABLE thing EVER! What could there possibly be, not to like?"

I smirked at him. "Oh, I don't know, there's your screechy voice, your habit of injuring me, your legendary humility…"

He whacked me in the shoulder. "Those are all IRRELEVANT!"

I nodded. "True. Or maybe, they're what I like about you. But I do…" I felt my face turn red as the sunset. "I do like you. In… In a… What did you call it? Strategic partnership sort of way?"

His eyes got even bigger. "R-really?" I nodded again. "YES!" He jumped up and punched the air, causing his armadillo friend to squeak and roll into a ball again. "ZIM shall court the Dibstink! ZIM shall show you just how amazing it is to be the partner of ZIM! FOR I AM AMAZING!"

"Hey amazing Zim? Your humility is showing."

He ducked his head and tugged his shirt lower. "The first rite of courting shall commence IMMEDIATELY!" He turned to face me, and…

Well, he climbed into my lap. I definitely wasn't expecting that. Then he brought his face close to mine, and… licked my nose. "Was… was that your version of a kiss?" I asked, feeling a little lost.

"That was the DEFINITIVE version of a kiss. The best form of kissing in the known universe! Immensely superior to the shoulder kiss, or the thumb kiss, or even the fabled ankle kiss!"

I shushed him by taking a deep breath, then leaning in and kissing him on the lips.

* * *

A/N: I'd like to apologize to all of you wonderful people who have been patiently waiting for me to update this story. I'm really really sorry it took so long for me to continue this, and I hope you'll forgive me. In the time since the last chapter was published, I have graduated from college, and entered the terrifying world of "REAL LIFE", which involves getting jobs, owning property, paying taxes, and not eating chocolate for every meal. I know. It sucks. It's been hard, not having time to write my stories, and I've really missed it. But part of being a grown-up, along with cutting down on the number of penis jokes I make, is time management, and I'm hoping that this year I'll be able to set aside some time to work on my fanfics.

One of the reasons that I haven't had as much time to write is that I've been trying to make money. I work freelance in the film industry, and do woodworking between film projects, making everything from furniture to pens. Legally, I can't make money off of writing fan fiction, but I've been wondering if there's some way to merge woodworking and fanfic writing. I was thinking that maybe I could make a line of products for each fanfic story. Would you buy an Invader Zim pen (maybe one that is pink and ribbed, like his shirt?) Or an Adventure Time box that looks like the Enchiridion? How much would you be willing to pay for those? If I can make money, even indirectly, off of my fanfics, I'd be able to justify spending more time writing. Please let me know what you think in the comments.


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